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Free Articles
Too Depressed or Stressed to Enjoy the Holidays?
by Debra Burdick, LCSW
How are you feeling right now, at this time of year?
Do you feel like you have way too much to do? I know I do. On top
of all the tasks we usually do every day, there are gifts to buy
and wrap, parties to attend (or give), h'eour d'eouvres to make,
perhaps a Christmas tree to buy or put together, decorations to
get out of storage, sort out and put up, electric candle lights
to replace when they burn out, school or church activities to attend
with our children - you know what I mean. It can be stressful and
exhausting.
On top of the increased demands on our time, and the associated
stress, the holidays can be very tough emotionally for many people.
There are a lot of expectations about the season. 'We should feel
happy, joyful, warm, loving and loved at this time of year.' It
is a time for family gatherings, loved ones, reconnection with our
religious or spiritual upbringing.
But what if we don't have a family, or are estranged from
our family of origin? What if we have lost the ones we love?
What if we are alone? What if we are widowed, divorced, or looking
for that special someone? Then the holidays can be an intensely
lonely time, a time of sadness, regret, questioning. Feelings of
sadness or loneliness that may already have been present are magnified
many times over during this time.
Thus many people are over-stressed and/or lonely or sad
instead of happy and joyful. So what can help when this
happens?
First, know that you are not alone. Many people
feel this way. Resist the tendency to think there is something wrong
with you.
When you catch yourself feeling depressed or sorry for yourself,
change your thoughts to more positive thoughts. For example,
if you are feeling lonely and thinking how alone you are, think
about the people you know or have known. Remember how it felt to
be with loved ones in the past. Talk kindly to someone in the grocery
line who is clearly stressed out and impatient with their child.
Make a list of all the things you can be grateful for. Call someone
you haven't talked to lately and just let them know you are thinking
about them. Go online and find a chat room about a subject that
interests you. Get some exercise.
Find a place to volunteer on the holiday most important
to you. Soup kitchens and churches often put on big meals
on holidays and can always use your help. Offer to babysit for a
young mother and feel the joy the child is experiencing. You will
discover you feel much better when you can help others. Try it and
see.
Find a church, synagogue, temple or other house of worship
and go to their services. Go to the one you usually attend.
Or if you haven't been lately, find one whose rituals feel familiar
and trigger good childhood memories. Or, find one completely different
from any you have ever attended and just enjoy noticing the differences
and the uniqueness. Smile and say hello to the other members of
the congregation. If you are not 'religious', simply reconnect with
spirit in your own way. Meditate and give thanks for all your blessings.
Bundle up and go for a walk outside.
If you are overstressed and exhausted, take a few minutes
to sit down and make a list of all the tasks you need to do.
Then prioritize them. Most likely there are some things on your
list you would 'like' to do but that are not completely essential.
Let go of the need to do everything you 'always' do, or to do everything
yourself and for everybody else.
Ask for help and let go of the need for perfection.
I was particularly short on time this year and asked my daughter
to help me decorate the mantel and put up a garland over the fireplace.
And voila, it was all beautifully done when I came home from work.
Was it 'exactly' the way I would have done it? No, of course not.
But it looks great, it got done, and I didn't have to do it.
Do your best to prevent a situation that you know will be
too painful for you. Two years ago I discovered my daughter
would be traveling to Australia over Christmas. I knew I had to
do something to protect myself from being totally alone on Christmas
day as I would feel very lonely and sad being alone and without
her for the first time in her life on Christmas day. I reminded
myself I was glad she had the opportunity to visit Australia. Then
I ended up getting myself invited to my niece's house for Christmas
day. She had a 6 month old baby who spent the entire day smiling
and happy. It was impossible to wallow in my sadness with her grinning
at me. Instead of being sad and lonely, I smiled all day.
Take extra special care of yourself during this often demanding
season. Get some extra sleep, exercise, eat well and stay
away from that tempting sugar or alcohol. Schedule a massage. In
fact, ask for one for Christmas. Spend some time in contemplation
about your life and what is great about it as well as what you would
like to change. Avoid the trap of over doing it, feeling sorry for
yourself, or allowing situations which will be too painful. You
can find your own joy within you, in your own way, independent of
the commercialization of the holiday, away from the hustle and bustle.
Look within for the inner peace. Take care of yourself and if you
are alone, help someone else even in some small way. It may save
your life and allow you to Have A Wonderful Holiday Season!
Best Wishes for a 'Joyous Holiday Season and a Wonderful
New Year'. May All Your Wishes Come True!
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